Relationships and Dating

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Comment by Terri Lynne on December 12, 2009 at 5:05am

Steve I have the same problem as you, I always wonder why would they be interested in me. It's weird, I have no problem telling friends or even other people I meet that I've had a transplant but when it comes to potential boyfriends, its different and harder for me. I usually tell the guy up front before I get attached. This way, if he bolts, then its easier for me.

Comment by Alice on December 3, 2009 at 2:31pm

I have a transplanted liver, diabetes and wear a brace on my left knee. My boyfriend has only one kidney and diabetes and uses insulin. But we have the same interest in common, so you might want to try on-line dating. I found my friend on Yahoo, but it took me 3 years to find him. You could join some group in your area that has one of your interest, so don't give up. Best wishes and Happy Hunting.
Transplanted 12/4/2003.

Comment by Steve Scarduzio on December 1, 2009 at 10:27pm

I think the main problem I have in having kidney problems and dating, is self confidence. I always think, "why would someone want to date a guy who is sick?"

Comment by Catherine von Ruhland on August 7, 2009 at 12:44pm

Thanks, Alice. The funny thing was, that when I was standing there in my nice dress looking like I'd been stood up, I was thinking 'i'm not the one who didn't keep my side of the bargain...'
I've got some great girlfriends - last night though there was torrential rain in London that caused flooding four of us met up for a chinwag, drink and to celebrate my new book coming out. There's me with my kidney probs, another friend with breast cancer in her new wig (which was really flattering), and what's there in the heart of that meeting is love and friendship. I have my moments with the singleness thang (I'm having therapy - and there's a reason I'm rubbish at relationships), but I've got some pretty good warmhearted friendships. (I've also been blessed with a sweet friendship with a cute guy 20 years my junior - which I have to say is a REAL tonic...;0) )

Comment by Alice on August 3, 2009 at 7:27am

Catherin, I am sorry it didn't work out this time. It took me about 4 and a half years to find the right one. And that was 3 years after my transplant. I did get one long distant friend that is about 60 miles from me before my transplant. And we have been friends for over 6 years now. So, all I can say is keep on looking. Oh, I decided that I would not date anyone who only had a H.S. diploma because they all seemed to be duds. I would only look at men who had at least a 2 year degree. I really lucked out because my gentleman friend has a doctorate degree in law and he is still a working as a lawyer in Massachusetts. So, don't give up just keep looking and some day your prince will come.

Comment by Suzan on August 2, 2009 at 6:35pm

Cathern, so sorry that you got a bad one this time. Just think,the odds have to be in you favor if you keep going out! Better luck next time!

Comment by Suzan on August 2, 2009 at 6:30pm

Vic- Again I laugh. That does make the "comment" worth it. Just think how many others are laughing too! You've caused at least on person to have a good day. Just FYI...when I had my heart cath. before my liver tx there were some problems and they said that it could be treated by taking meds:Viagra! I suddenly became VERY popular with my male friends. It is one of the many good things that came from my tx. You would not believe how many male friends I have now. I say that they are waiting for things with my heart to go wrong...so I get meds! signing off as with hair, teeth ,eyes and blond moments!

Comment by Vic Teshin on August 2, 2009 at 3:40pm

Susan - I'm glad I made you laugh. For what is life without laughter? By the way, I am tall, have long blond hair (it's tucked inside under the bowler) and one big green eye. I'm working on the teeth part (just had 3 more implants done) and as medical technology improves I plan on replacing many other parts (who needs Viagra?). Hmmm....the mind boogles and reels. I actually went on a blind date once where exactly what you describe happened. Let's just say she was the exact opposite of her description (except for the blond hair). I felt betrayed and lied to as soon as we met, and the worst part was she would wink at me after saying every 3 or 4 words (I don't think it was a nervous twitch). Maybe social sites would be better if instead of favorite activities people listed all their personal baggage and their good and BAD traits. Then you would have a better idea of what to expect. As an example, anger is an emotion anyone can have but some people get angry at very small and inconsequential things. That to me is a huge turn off. It may not get you many dates (but who knows) if you wrote, "I'm a 20 year old, tall with long golden hair, perfect teeth and big blue eyes. I'm also self absorbed, vain and angry most of the time.". That would be an honest and refreshing profile to read.

Comment by Suzan on August 2, 2009 at 11:21am

Ya'll made me laugh until I rolled in the floor! I even had to roll over and walk my way up to the chair.(Back problems today). Yes, girls/women do have their flaws:wanting men with brains,having had the will to work through good time and bad,and...wait...we to find men and women who are interesting and self confident! O.K. throw in hiking and dance. Both are social activities that everybody knows about when you write them on a social site where you are trying to impressing someone enough to get someone to write you back! Let's just admit that social sites aren't always the most truthful places to meet people. If so, I'm a 20 year old,tall with long golden hair, perfect teeth and big blue eyes. Well, I do have hair,eyes,teeth and I have had birthday parties.
I just don't know if I trust what people say on a blind social site. I know that Alice got lucky, but I don't want to "date" what people "wish" they were. I just read what I wrote and it sounds like I don't trust anyone when I actually do. But you have to go into any relationship with your eyes wide open. Take this with a grain of salt.

Comment by Vic Teshin on August 1, 2009 at 7:55am

Hey Chad - Everyone deserves a vacation. Cape Cod and an iPod actually sounds pretty good. I can relate to the walking problems. After my first kidney transplant I would walk 8 or 9 miles a day for exercise. Back then I was still diabetic, so I had neuropathy in my feet. Since I couldn't feel much there, I was breaking down the bones in my ankles without even knowing it. The bones finally fused after wearing casts for over two months but I could no longer flex my feet. No flexion and your calf muscles go away gradually. I remained active but the diabetes cause many other problems. I finally got a pancreas-kidney transplant that was like a real rebirth but by then I had 6 finger amputations, have to use a cane to walk any distance and just recently lost vision in one eye. You can't explain all those things away very easily. I do hear however that some chicks dig guys with scars etc. I haven't found one yet but I keep looking. My only beef is that on most dating sites it appears that your average American woman always list dancing, hiking (or other outdoor sports) and motorcycle riding as favorite activities. Oh! and they also want someone who can communicate and has a good sense of humor. Hmmm... Alas, I'm pretty good in the last department but I'm no longer Mister Twinkle Toes (or fingers) and that always seems to be the deal breaker. Oh well...one can only stay positive and keep trying. I've always admired people who overcome adversity. One of my favorite jokes is one I heard from a quadriplegic. It goes like this, "Every summer my parents would send me to stay with my grandparents and I hated staying all summer at the cemetary!" Now that was one funny fellow.

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